Wow, really?

You would never have guessed this happened but...

I am a dragon, and an old one at that. For over five hundred centuries I have been watching over the golden pair of shoes that keep the earth running in it's constant rotation. I am a friendly dragon, though most who have seen me have still tried to hunt me for being "too dangerous", but those people aren't around anymore so, whatever. I am not the kind of dragon that is stereotypically big and fire breathing, but rather I am bigger and wind breathing so when the shoes get too tired, I can take over for a while. My shout is fierce but can only be heard if you believe that I exist. My eye sight has dimmed over the past few millenniums, in which time I have been able to create my own glasses, which have a yellow rim and light purple frames, but don't worry, I still look intimidating. There were more of my kind but all others perished due to them not having their umbrellas during the heavy ocean waves. Rather unfortunate really. You're probably wondering how I, a dragon can be writing this right now between the blue lines of this paper with my giant hands. Well, it's because my left hand is actually that of a human's, which allows me to participate in sports such as football or tennis, or to eat a double cheese burger from my favorite restaurant McDonald's. Yup, eating those things really puts me on the edge. So, that's me, and I swear to you, that is exactly how it all went down.